Bulwer-Lytton Fiction contest

Det finns en sida på nätet där man tävlar om att skriva den bästa sämsta första meningen i en roman. Bulwer-Lytton Fiction contest har funnits sedan 1982 men jag har då inte hört talats om den förut. Hur kul vore det inte med en liknande svensk tävling?

Här är några av vinnarna från 2013 (om ni orkar läsa dem, det är inte helt lätt ;)):

”She strutted into my office wearing a dress that clung to her like Saran Wrap to a sloppily butchered pork knuckle, bone and sinew jutting and lurching asymmetrically beneath its folds, the tightness exaggerating the granularity of the suet and causing what little palatable meat there was to sweat, its transparency the thief of imagination.”
— Chris Wieloch, Brookfield, WI

“I told you to wear sensible shoes, but no, your vanity would not allow it!” he yelled at me as if that had something to do with the airplane crashing into the jungle and all the bodies draped in the trees, but it was just the sort of nonsense I was used to from him, making me wish one or the other of us was hanging dead above us, instead of Rodney.”
— Thor F. Carden, Madison, TN

Fantasy
”The fairies of Minglewood, which is near Dingly Pool, were having a grand revel with flower-cakes, and butterfly dances, looking ever so pretty, while Queen Bellaflora swept her wand o’er the waterfall’s foam, making it pop like the snot-bubbles on your baby sister’s face.”
— Janine Beacham, Busselton, WA, Australia

Skräck
”Even though Letitia had brushed her teeth, Draco could still smell her garlicky breath, but assuming her blood would at least be toxin free, if not particularly appetizing – because of the antibiotic properties of the garlic’s allicin, an organosulfur compound – he gleefully plunged his incisors into her throbbing jugular vein.”
— Maggie Lyons, Callao, VA

Romantik (OMG!)
”On their first date he’d asked how much she thought Edgar Allan Poe’s toe nails would sell for on eBay, and on their second he paid for subway fair with nickels he fished out of a fountain, but he was otherwise charming and she thought that they could have a perfectly tolerable life together.”
— Jessica Sashihara, Martinsville, NJ

Kanske man kan dra slutsatsen att en första mening till att börja med inte bör vara så himlans lång? 😉

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